Tag Archives: Humour

And On the Sixth Day…

Yesterday, Claire shared a photo of what an old classmate of ours looks like now:

Just for background’s sake… Before this I had asked Claire if there were dinosaurs in the bible (I am very anti-religion and so keep any teachings/brainwashing at about the arm’s length away of Mr. Fantastic but Claire, although not religious, keeps getting blessed by religious figures and so, for my purposes, was more than qualified to ask this question).

Her answer was that our old classmate and his fiance did not make the cut for the Bible.

Nan-isms

On the Jungle Book remake:

We’re not watching that again, I know all the lines. I’m the stand-in in case anything goes wrong.

On the film Titanic:

I’ve seen that bloody film so often I know the time on the Captain’s watch.

On a TV series on Netflix:

Emma: We watched this before but I don’t remember what happens in it…

Nan: I do.

 On me leaving the house:

Me: Right, I’m going now. I’ll pop down again soon.

Nan: Is that a promise or a threat?

Never Alone

Me, checking Friday night plans – “Is it just me tomorrow until you get back from work? Please tell me it is.”

Mom – “No, Matt and Charlotte will be in but they’re going out.”

Me – “…”

Mom – “So they’ll be here but not here.”

Me – “…”

Mom – “You know what I mean!”

Me – “I do. I just think there are better ways to go about it.”

They don’t half come up with some shit. I did hear him saying at one point:

‘We work 9-5 in an office 5 days a week when we should be utilising our current technology; for a modern company we are very old fashioned with how we work.’

Which he countered with OH LOOK HOW CRAZY AND INNOVATIVE WE ARE BY MAKING EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE MOVE SEATS DEPENDING ON CLIENT RATHER THAN TEAM!!

Fuck. Off. With your turn of the century, two hour long PowerPoint presentation and shove it up your arse.

After the world’s most boring, uninformative company meeting known to man.

There’s Water In My Rust

CW6 – “Does anyone else think the water tastes of metal?”

Me – “Yeah.”

CW6 – “What, have you still been drinking it?”

Me – “Yeah, I’ve drank water that tasted like metal before. I haven’t died yet. It’s probably fine.”

CW6 – “What!?”

Me – “You’ve clearly never been to Bilston…”

CW0 – “If you’re not happy with it maybe you should email the Office Manager?”

Me – “Sure. You can send ‘We don’t get paid enough to drink rust.'”

CW0 – “Sounds good to me.”