Category Archives: Work

Fire Drill 101

CW5 – “I can’t believe I got told off because I was smoking outside during the fire drill. Other people were doing it.”

CW6. “I can see their point, if it was a real fire, but I guess as long as you didn’t light your cigarette off the building.”

Me – “Just casually light that up on the burning staircase as we go.”

CW5 – “It’s not really like… a bag of fire though, is it? I’m not holding a burning wood log.”

CW6 – “… We’re not saying your started it, we’re saying you could light your cigarette off it…”

CW5 – “… Oh….”

CW6 – “Another time being a smart arse failed for you…”

Me – “To be honest I, personally, want to hear more about this ‘bag of fire’.”

Technique

The team played this quick game from Sporcle where you basically just beat the shit out of your keyboard and try to beat the time. Obviously the surrounding teams in the office loved us when 8 people started hammering on the space bar – aka. noisiest bar on earth – and shouting at each other across the desk.

5 minutes later…

Me – “CW5, are you doing it again?”

CW5 – “I’m just trying different techniques.”

Me – “Oh my God, you’re not….”

CW1 – “It’s just not that deep…”

Me – “How many techniques are there… to hit a key… on the keyboard…?”

CW5 – “You’d be surprised, Hayley.”

Me – “Oh, I don’t think I would.”

CW7 – “There’s two ways. With your hand and with your head.”

Me – “You mean when I smash the keyboard over CW5’s head?”

CW7 – “Yeah, that.”

Statistics

Tomorrow the whole of our team is attending training with Google, except for myself and CW6.

CW4 – “Do we need to take our laptops with us?”

CW2 – “I would just in case someone needs to get in contact with us urgently to change something in a campaign. Don’t forget, there are only two people in this office tomorrow.”

Me – “Yes. And only 50% of them care enough to help you out.”

Paranoia

CW5 – “At least Trump is attempting to do everything he said he would. That’s more than you can say for most politicians.”

CW6 – “Yeah…. I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing, mate.”

CW5 – “Why? He’s just trying to protect his own people.”

Me – “That’s the equivalent of me trying to protect my family by killing everyone else in the street.”

Skincare

CW5 – “You might not like Trump but he has no political experience and he just won the greatest political race in America.”

CW6 – “He also has the thinnest skin in America.”

CW5 – “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen it.”

CW6 – “….. Were you trying to be funny?”

CW5 – “No, I don’t know what you’re so obsessed with his skin for.”

Everyone – “………….”

Tricked

CW7 – “Want a gum?”

Me – “No thanks. They remind me how hungry I really am.”

CW7 – “Really? They help me because my brain thinks I’m eating.”

Me – “Yeah, but my stomach’s like ‘WOO! FOOD!……. WOOOOOOO………. Any second now…… Any….. Waiting…… Still waiting….. Oh my god, you bitch, you tricked me again!”