Monthly Archives: January 2017

Compliment

CW2 – “According to Urban Dictionary the name CW7 means ‘prettiest girl in the world.'”

CW7 – “Oh thank you.”

CW4 – “Even though you’re a grown man.”

CW7 – “A compliment’s a compliment. I take them where I can get them.”

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Paranoia

CW5 – “At least Trump is attempting to do everything he said he would. That’s more than you can say for most politicians.”

CW6 – “Yeah…. I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing, mate.”

CW5 – “Why? He’s just trying to protect his own people.”

Me – “That’s the equivalent of me trying to protect my family by killing everyone else in the street.”

Parenting

Mom – “My order still hasn’t come! What do I do now?!”

Me – “Well like the woman said yesterday you need to get back to House of Fraser so they can deal with it.”

Mom – “Ooookkkaaaaayyyyy……”

Me – “…. Am I going to have to do this with you? Again?”

Mom – “No…. You’re just going to have to do it for me. I need to shower.”

Me – “No, you need to learn how to do this shit for yourself. What’s going to happen when I move out?”

Mom – “I’ll drive to your house and ask you to do it for me. And use your shower.”

Me – “What if I live over an hour away?”

Mom – “I’ll come the night before. And bring my own towel.”

Local

Kieran – “Shall we go for a drink down the local pub?”

Me – “Yeah, sure! Or we can drink in the house and not get stabbed.”

This is not an overreaction on my part. The pub around the corner from my house (The Talisman) is cordoned off by police tape more often than it isn’t. May I also point out this pub is literally over the road from a children’s centre/primary school.

Early last year a drug raid was done on the place and, subsequently, a few weeks followed with dirty banners hung up outside the building with ‘Save our Tally’ scribbled on them.

Eventually the pub reopened, because apparently evening out the rocky patch of land they called the car park and having some parking spaces painted on the floor meant they were now upstanding citizens and definitely weren’t ever going to sell drugs on the premises again.

Or stab anyone. Or shoot anyone.

It’s amazing what a clearly outlined parking space can do for your mental well-being.

Skincare

CW5 – “You might not like Trump but he has no political experience and he just won the greatest political race in America.”

CW6 – “He also has the thinnest skin in America.”

CW5 – “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen it.”

CW6 – “….. Were you trying to be funny?”

CW5 – “No, I don’t know what you’re so obsessed with his skin for.”

Everyone – “………….”