I don’t remember seeing the Chaos Party as a choice… But if I had I probably would have voted for them.
They don’t half come up with some shit. I did hear him saying at one point:
‘We work 9-5 in an office 5 days a week when we should be utilising our current technology; for a modern company we are very old fashioned with how we work.’
Which he countered with OH LOOK HOW CRAZY AND INNOVATIVE WE ARE BY MAKING EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE MOVE SEATS DEPENDING ON CLIENT RATHER THAN TEAM!!
Fuck. Off. With your turn of the century, two hour long PowerPoint presentation and shove it up your arse.
After the world’s most boring, uninformative company meeting known to man.
The thought of being pregnant doesn’t bother me. It’s the thought of what happens when I stop being pregnant.” – Me, being asked if I am too scared to have children
(Note: I am 25. I do not have children, I do not want children, I hate children and anything I – no doubt accidentally – produce will be the literal spawn of Satan. I don’t mean does drugs, robs and commits general crime sort of Satan. I mean the world starts shaking, the ground splits open and the whole hospital is dragged down into hell with me sort of Satan. You know. Me 2.0.)
I thought the woman on ‘The Blacklist‘ was crying and shaking so much because she was just having a really emotional conversation with Reddington.
Turns out he was interrogating her in a walk-in-freezer.” – Me, misreading the situation
If you take the ‘o’ off the end of his name, he’s just Leonard” – Me, having a revelation
All I needed to do was walk into the dining room and walk back out again with my cardigan. Here are my attempts.
Me, walking back into the living room with a bottle of wine – “Do you think it’s too early to open this?”
Me, walking back into the living room with a chocolate bar – “Oops, the chocolate and caramel distracted me.”
Me, walking back into the living room with linen fabric – “I really should have bought another metre of this one, I love it.”
Me, walking back into the living room with my cardigan – “Turns out this was on the table because it still hasn’t been washed….. Do you know where my grey one is instead?”
If you’re not napping, you should be.” – Me to manager
Card pushed through the door by Amazon:
Your parcel has been left in your preferred safe place:
Me – “Yeah, sure, that’s where I keep all of my treasured possessions. Hope they didn’t steal all those priceless family heirlooms while they were in there.”
You know if I threaten to kill someone enough? You know when you’re like ‘Oh my God I’m gonna kill him!’ And then I actually kill them…. can I say I gave them fair warning? And if they didn’t take measures to protect themselves it’s their own fault because…. they knew I was going to kill them?” – Me
I think this cinnamon roll is the only thing standing between me and jail right now.” – extremely angry Me