Category Archives: Verbal

Nan-isms

On the Jungle Book remake:

We’re not watching that again, I know all the lines. I’m the stand-in in case anything goes wrong.

On the film Titanic:

I’ve seen that bloody film so often I know the time on the Captain’s watch.

On a TV series on Netflix:

Emma: We watched this before but I don’t remember what happens in it…

Nan: I do.

 On me leaving the house:

Me: Right, I’m going now. I’ll pop down again soon.

Nan: Is that a promise or a threat?

Never Alone

Me, checking Friday night plans – “Is it just me tomorrow until you get back from work? Please tell me it is.”

Mom – “No, Matt and Charlotte will be in but they’re going out.”

Me – “…”

Mom – “So they’ll be here but not here.”

Me – “…”

Mom – “You know what I mean!”

Me – “I do. I just think there are better ways to go about it.”

There’s Water In My Rust

CW6 – “Does anyone else think the water tastes of metal?”

Me – “Yeah.”

CW6 – “What, have you still been drinking it?”

Me – “Yeah, I’ve drank water that tasted like metal before. I haven’t died yet. It’s probably fine.”

CW6 – “What!?”

Me – “You’ve clearly never been to Bilston…”

CW0 – “If you’re not happy with it maybe you should email the Office Manager?”

Me – “Sure. You can send ‘We don’t get paid enough to drink rust.'”

CW0 – “Sounds good to me.”

 

Fire Drill 101

CW5 – “I can’t believe I got told off because I was smoking outside during the fire drill. Other people were doing it.”

CW6. “I can see their point, if it was a real fire, but I guess as long as you didn’t light your cigarette off the building.”

Me – “Just casually light that up on the burning staircase as we go.”

CW5 – “It’s not really like… a bag of fire though, is it? I’m not holding a burning wood log.”

CW6 – “… We’re not saying your started it, we’re saying you could light your cigarette off it…”

CW5 – “… Oh….”

CW6 – “Another time being a smart arse failed for you…”

Me – “To be honest I, personally, want to hear more about this ‘bag of fire’.”

Always Take the Weather With You

Nan – “Well the other day when I watched the weather it said Tuesday would be sunny. But now it’s just said it’s going to be cloudy with some rain. I’m going to wait for ‘Countryfile’ and see what they say.”

Me – “Do you particularly trust the ‘Countryfile’ weather forecast?”

Nan – “Oh yes. I’m much more likely to believe what they say about Tuesday.”

Me – “What’s happening Tuesday?”

Nan – “Nothing.”

Me – “…… Then what are you so bothered about the weather for?!”

Auntie Jan – *Shrugging*

Technique

The team played this quick game from Sporcle where you basically just beat the shit out of your keyboard and try to beat the time. Obviously the surrounding teams in the office loved us when 8 people started hammering on the space bar – aka. noisiest bar on earth – and shouting at each other across the desk.

5 minutes later…

Me – “CW5, are you doing it again?”

CW5 – “I’m just trying different techniques.”

Me – “Oh my God, you’re not….”

CW1 – “It’s just not that deep…”

Me – “How many techniques are there… to hit a key… on the keyboard…?”

CW5 – “You’d be surprised, Hayley.”

Me – “Oh, I don’t think I would.”

CW7 – “There’s two ways. With your hand and with your head.”

Me – “You mean when I smash the keyboard over CW5’s head?”

CW7 – “Yeah, that.”

Who’s Who

Please note: when Mom says ‘Gary Oldman’ she pronounces this as ‘Gary Old Man’

Me and Kieran entered the living room halfway through a film she was watching

Kieran – “Oh, it’s got Kevin Costner in it.”

Mom – “It’s also got whatshername in it… Him! Tommy Lee Jones!”

Me – “Whatshername… Tommy Lee Jones….”

Mom – “And it’s got that man who played the Oldman vampire.”

Kieran – “Gary Oldman?”

Mom – “Yeah!”

Me – “Mom… do you think Gary Oldman is an actual vampire? And the film ‘Dracula’ was just a bizarre documentary of his life?”

Mom – And it’s got Ryan…”

Me and Kieran – “Gosling?”

Mom – “No, the one that was married to Scarlett Johnson.”

Me – “Oh dear Christ…”

Kieran – “Oh look, there’s Gary Oldman the vampire!”

Me – “Bit brave, meeting everyone on the beach…”

Statistics

Tomorrow the whole of our team is attending training with Google, except for myself and CW6.

CW4 – “Do we need to take our laptops with us?”

CW2 – “I would just in case someone needs to get in contact with us urgently to change something in a campaign. Don’t forget, there are only two people in this office tomorrow.”

Me – “Yes. And only 50% of them care enough to help you out.”