Monthly Archives: July 2017

The ‘H’ is Silent

CW4 – “I can do an impression of everybody here! Except for Hayley and CW2.”

CW6 – “Do CW5!”

CW4 – “That’s easy! I do his all the time, it’s just posh.”

CW6, in a ridiculously posh accent – “Hello there.”

CW5 – “That’s not how I speak!”

CW6 – “Turning up with a top hat and a cane. And a monocle.”

CW4, in a posh accent – “Hello. I’ve just come back from shooting peasants in the park.”

Me – “Peasants!?

CW6 – “Did you mean pheasants?”

Me – “He’s so rich he has disposable peasants on his land.”

CW4, to CW5 – “Right, come on, let’s go to the gym. I’m pumped.”

Me – “Shooting peasants will do that to you…”

CW6, in a posh accent – “Tally-ho gents!”

CW3 – “Are you not going with them?”

Me – “Don’t be silly, we’re from Wolverhampton. We are the peasants. CW6 can’t leave the office with them, he’ll be shot and plucked…”

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Me, at work, after waiting two weeks for a reply from the client:

“Has Mark just dropped off the face of the earth? Is he swimming around in one of the circles of hell? The circle reserved for people who don’t check their fucking email?”

Mortgage 101

Me – “I don’t want to see the mortgage advisor later, he’s cutting into my Friday drinking time.”

CW1 – “Drink at the mortgage advisors.”

Me – “Yeah, he’ll definitely say ‘you seem like a responsible young adult to lend money to’.”

CW4 – “I’m seeing a mortgage advisor later too.”

Me – “Am I…. Am I going with you?”

CW4 – “Ha! No. It’s because I had to phone them the other week and I went ‘Look, yeah…’.”

Me – “Oh my god is that what you opened with? You also seem like a responsible adult that can be trusted with lots of money. I feel good about us getting these mortgages CW4!”

Mystery Getaway

CW1 – “Why does your holiday say 1st – 9th inclusive?”

CW6 – “To say I’m off those days too.”

CW1 – “Oh right… Well I declined it anyway.”

CW6 – “What!?”

Me – “Yeah, I deleted it too. In all fairness I delete everyone’s holidays when you email them over. I treat you all fairly.”

CW3 – “Yeah, then you wonder where are.”

Me – “No, I never wonder that.”