Monthly Archives: January 2018

Damages

Group Skype Conversation

CW4: “I like the fact even they know they’re cackling.”

CW5, working from home: “Who is cackling?”

CW1: “Bank behind us. Ugh.”

CW3: “I mean…. Siv did say a funny and made them laugh.”

Me: “They’re the reason the computer sometimes tells me if I turn my music up any louder I might do irreversible damage.”

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Small Talk

Skype Conversation 1 – man turns up at the office on the bank of desks behind ours, starts talking very loudly about the weather

Me – “His voice is grating on me.”

CW1: “Yeah, he’s way too happy.”

Me – “Oh, maybe that’s the part I’m responding to. It’s his happiness that is grating on me.”

 

Skype Conversation 2 – our entire team

CW4 – “That’s a COO that’s behind us, by the way. No swearing and don’t call him a wanker.”

Me – “Too late.”

Offensive Friendships

 

CW5: “I don’t know whether this message I want to send will offend anyone in the Whatsapp group.”

CW1: “What message?”

CW5: “Our friend has said there is a growing market for second-hand baby stuff and I’ve put ‘there is a growing market for second-hand babies, just ask Madonna’.”

Everyone: “Oooooohhhhhh…..”

CW3: “That’s good!”

CW1: “Of course you would think it’s good but I don’t know. Read your audience. If you know they won’t be offended then…”

CW5: “I think the others would get it but I don’t know about T.”

CW2: “If you’re having to question….”

CW3: “Is anyone in the group adopted?

CW5: “No.”

CW3: “Has anyone in the group adopted a child?”

CW5: “No.”

Me: “Is anyone in the group Madonna?”

New Year, Old Me

Me: “CW4, I just had a really productive hour, can I go home now?”

CW4: “I’d like more than just one hour….”

Me: “Well you’re not getting anything else out of me today, so I might as well not be here.”

CW2: “You could help me on Phillips?”

Me: “Oh no, you’re mistaken. I have work to do. I’m just not doing it.”

CW4: “I didn’t hear that. I hear nothing. I see nothing.”

Me: “So I’m good to go then, yeah?”