Tag Archives: Lists

Taken from http://www.toonbarn.com/yu-gi-oh/

Yu-Gi-Oh! – S1 E1

My new favourite pass time is to work my way through Yu-Gi-Oh! on Netflix and every time someone uses the word ‘deck’ I replace it with ‘dick’.

I watched these when I was a kid but man, am I enjoying watching these far more now.

We will be doing an awful version of a series review, mostly just sharing our favourite re-imagined lines here, as well as anything else which makes us laugh.

Me and Kieran also have a running bet with the world in general that the card ‘Dark Magician’ will make an appearance in every one of Yugi’s battles. I will also be listing some other common cards as and when we see them.

So, it’s time to d-d-d-d-d-duel! (With penises)

Yu-Gi-Oh S1E1
Grandpa please, I don’t wanna touch your deck


The Heart of the Cards
High schooler Yugi Moto and his friends become embroiled in a deadly match of Duel Monsters when champion Seto Kaiba kidnaps Yugi’s grandfather.

Best Bits

“I trust in my Grandfather’s dick.”

“The dick senses my doubt…”

Grandad: “Blue Eyes White Dragon! So rare, so powerful, I never let it leave my hands!”
Me: “Literally was not in his hand two seconds ago.”

Monster’s Sighted:

  • Dark Magician (1/1)
  • Blue Eyes White Dragon x3 (1/1)
  • Exodia (1/1)
  • Gaia the Fierce Knight (1/1)


We forgot that this show gives the back story as to Yugi’s magical powers predominantly in the opening credits, so just know that everyone is cool seeing the little guy walking around with this hulking Millennium Puzzle necklace on all the time and sometimes randomly shouting “Yu-Gi-Oh!” when he starts duelling.
They’re also cool with the extra highlights in his hair and extra deep voice he gets too when he happily hands over all bodily control to a Pharoah from ancient Egypt trapped in the Millennium puzzle.
So Yugi is telling everyone at school about the game shop his Grandad conveniently owns and that sometimes he has rare cards.

Grandad’s shop has a strict ‘don’t touch my rare fucking cards’ policy

Kaiba, who is not only some duelling champ but also owns his own giant corporation, shows up at the shop asking to see some rare cards. Yugi’s Grandad shows him his Blue Eyes White Dragon – which is not a euphemism for anything – but won’t sell it because his very heart and soul is intertwined with this card. Not to mention only 4 exist in the entire world.

Obviously Kaiba is like ‘Bruh… what’s wrong with my money?’ and forces poor Grandad to go and duel with him at his offices. He is, however, nice enough to call Yugi at the shop to explain his Grandad is having a heart attack in the office foyer so he should probably come and pick him up right away.

Rushing over there with his friends we find out Kaiba bossed Grandad and took his Blue Eyes White Dragon from him. In a bizarre and clearly unthought out twist of events Kaiba rips up the card so it can never be used against him.

Now…. this would make more sense if a) in the upcoming duel against Yugi… he didn’t summon 3 Blue Eyes White Dragons and so just ruined the chances of owning all 4 in existence and b) if at this point he actually believed in this ‘heart of the cards’ bullshit people keep harping on about.

Anyway, Yugi’s friends Tristan and Téa (UK version names) take Grandad off to the hospital whilst Joey stays to cheer Yugi on while he transforms into Yami Yugi (who is a 5000 year old Egyptian Pharaoh who clearly liked to gamble) and duels Kaiba in a state of the art arena where the monsters appear to come to life. I’m not… entirely sure what they’re duelling for at this point because Grandad’s favourite card is loooooong gone, but either way Yami Yugi manages to summon Exodia and wipe out Kaiba’s entire hand.

Fancy seeing you here with all of your limbs

Let it be known that Grandad strictly said, earlier, no one had ever managed to summon Exodia due to the fact you need to put 5 cards together – for his limbs and head – in order to do so, but the heart of the cards and all that…

Yami Yugi, being all powerful and magical and shit, hits Kaiba with some powerful life lessons that basically give the poor man a breakdown, all whilst Kaiba’s younger brother is watching and wondering why is brother’s brain is leaking out of his ears.

Everything is cool, Grandad doesn’t die and we meet the mysterious man who has a brass button instead of an eye and a specific interest in Yugi.

This doesn’t impair my vision at all

See you next episode, folks!


Lists: Weird Shit I See On My Work Commute – February Edition

So, I have been ridiculously busy lately with the 10 million things I do and hobbies I have to try and distract myself from the fact I live on a shitty, weather-beaten island sinking under the weight of its own stupidity.

However, it becomes harder to put something to one side when you have to see it with your own eyes. Here is a list, for your eyes, of things I have seen in the last fortnight driving to and from work:

Man humping a digger

I’m starting strong here because this was by far my favourite thing from the last fortnight. Unfortunately the workman was not actually standing and humping the arm of his digger (if he was then 8am in the morning during roadworks next to a set of traffic lights whilst wearing a Hi Vis jacket was not the way to go), but was actually trying to pull a lever up on the side of the arm.

Instead of standing to the side of the lever to try and move it he was instead standing at the front of the arm and just… consistently ramming himself into it whilst he struggled. I thought I was seeing a true love story. Real. Brave. True love.

Just a man struggling with his digger. His friend eventually came to help but by then my lights had changed to green and I was laughing far too hysterically to safely drive through the 20 mph school zone. I may have almost mowed down the lollipop lady – but she does have a habit of jumping out from behind buses and trucks.

I don’t think she’s happy in her current job.

Hedge Bin

Now, in the town I work there are bins next to all of the bus stops or bus shelters. If you were after a bin you would just need to follow the nearest bus route.

Hooooowever, at another set of traffic lights, which is inconveniently right next to a bus stop, I looked across the road and saw a bin. In a hedge. Hovering 4 foot off the floor. And the people waiting for the bus were not perturbed in the slightest by this!

It wasn’t the type of bin that looked as if it were capable of free-standing, and might get blown over in a light breeze, so I can really only assume that the council had wedged it into some poor, unsuspecting homeowner’s hedge to keep in line with the town’s mathematical code:

Bus stop = Bin

Dramatic Entering of a Car

Honest to God this stuff always happens when I get stopped at a red light.

On a little slip road two guys were having a massive argument next to their cars, I can only presume someone cut someone up or almost ran into them and they’d parked up in order to argue this out like primates in the jungle.

The argument ended pretty quickly when Guy #2 walked back to his car and flung his door open so violently it wrenched out of his hand and bounced back, before excruciatingly slowly and very gently swinging back closed.

The two guys just looked at each other for a couple of moments before Guy #2 yelled something unintelligible, opened his door again and dived head first into the car.

Hedge People

Most of my route to and from work is spent on a road that is 60mph and cuts through lots of fields and farmland. I rarely get to drive at 60mph. Even if I did my car begins to whistle if it hits anything over 70 and I fear it will just fall over itself.


This is my exact car but… cleaner. Here Citroen is giving the impression of speed. They are lying. If the car was really driving that quickly the wing mirrors and tyres would have flown off by now.

Anyway, luckily I was not driving at 60mph otherwise I would have missed the man on the side of the road, emerging from an actual hedge, in an Hawaiian themed shirt and pink shorts…. eating an icecream. I mean… It’s still pretty much winter in England, for all that amounts to.

If only we could all live like the hedge people.

Lists: Jobs That Are Not Mine

So, it’s that time of the year when I need to start thinking about my car insurance for January. Of course, this means filling out all of those online forms to get a quote.

Now, things always get pretty interesting when filling out my occupation… I work in digital marketing which is *ahem* – an umbrella term for the marketing of products or services using digital technologies, mainly on the Internet, but also including mobile phones, display advertising, and any other digital medium. Thanks Wikipedia!

Digital marketing, or anything connected to it, is never included on these drop down lists because apparently the Internet is a sentient being that needs no management. So now that I am no longer needed here I decided to use the Hastings Direct occupation list as a job search for my new, not-as-niche-as-digital-marketing, career path.

Here are a few options (and remember, these are main occupations):

  • After Dinner Speaker
  • Aircraft Surface Finisher
  • Almoner
  • Amusement Arcade Worker
  • Announcer
  • Archdeacon
  • Archbishop
  • Armourer
  • Asbestos Remover
  • Au Pair
  • Bacon Curer (my new career path)
  • Balloonist
  • Basket Worker
  • Bishop
  • Bottler
  • Chicken Chaser
  • Chicken Sexer
  • Choirmaster
  • Circus Proprietor
  • Coach Sprayer
  • Curtain Hanger
  • Director of Environment
  • Diver
  • Doll Maker
  • Embalmer
  • Evangelist
  • Expedition Leader
  • Fortune Teller
  • Gambler
  • Juggler
  • Kissogram Person
  • Meat Inspector
  • Monk
  • Ostler
  • Pearl Stringer
  • Progress Chaser
  • Water Diviner

There are so many more occupations I could take up but these were my favourite and, in all honesty, I’m now really depressed that I’m not a Bacon Curer.

It doesn’t matter anyway, I still haven’t been able to finish my car insurance because, when adding an additional driver, I don’t believe the question:

‘When did Driver 2 get their driver’s lisence?”

Can be answered with:

‘Ooh, it was a long time ago now….”

Lists: Things I have found in the bathroom

  • One Direction mug on the windowsill – I am the youngest person in the household at 24 and I hate every one of those faces on that mug. No matter which way you turn it you can always see one and so it can’t live on as a serviceable toothbrush holder either. My brother only listens to heavy metal and my mom doesn’t know these people exist. Everyone denies bringing it into the house. That only leaves our now dearly departed dog who can now, obviously, not answer any of our questions (and his ability to do this before death was also questionable). My oldest brother no longer lives at home, but he does have a key, and I presume if anyone in the family was to enjoy the ‘musical’ workings of One Direction, it would be him.
  • The pineapple in the sink – One morning I wandered into the bathroom to find a whole pineapple in the sink. I didn’t question it. I worked around it. When I got home the pineapple was gone and no one has ever mentioned it. We don’t eat a lot of fruit in our house, unless it’s being used as a cocktail ingredient, so I can only presume there was some confusion on the best way to store your pineapple.
  • A book called ‘The Fatal Strain’ – It’s called ‘The Fatal Strain’. It’s in the bathroom. I laughed way more than I should. It’s actually about the Avian Flu.
  • A dried piece of noodle in a shower scrunchie – My relaxing bath was interrupted when I realised the thing I had been staring at for 5 minutes, trying to figure out what the hell it was but too terrified to get any closer, was in fact a dried piece of noodle stuck to a shower scrunchie. In the bathroom. Amidst the scrunchies lined up at the side of the bath. A dried noodle. Some people take this relaxation thing real serious.