Tag Archives: House

Expectations

Kieran: “So, the house survey is done and they’ve found that it’s built on a…”

Me: “Indian burial ground!”

Kieran: “…. No. A coal reserve.”

Me: “Fucks sake. The Black Country is so boring.”

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Mortgage 101

Me – “I don’t want to see the mortgage advisor later, he’s cutting into my Friday drinking time.”

CW1 – “Drink at the mortgage advisors.”

Me – “Yeah, he’ll definitely say ‘you seem like a responsible young adult to lend money to’.”

CW4 – “I’m seeing a mortgage advisor later too.”

Me – “Am I…. Am I going with you?”

CW4 – “Ha! No. It’s because I had to phone them the other week and I went ‘Look, yeah…’.”

Me – “Oh my god is that what you opened with? You also seem like a responsible adult that can be trusted with lots of money. I feel good about us getting these mortgages CW4!”

Lists: Things I have found in the bathroom

  • One Direction mug on the windowsill – I am the youngest person in the household at 24 and I hate every one of those faces on that mug. No matter which way you turn it you can always see one and so it can’t live on as a serviceable toothbrush holder either. My brother only listens to heavy metal and my mom doesn’t know these people exist. Everyone denies bringing it into the house. That only leaves our now dearly departed dog who can now, obviously, not answer any of our questions (and his ability to do this before death was also questionable). My oldest brother no longer lives at home, but he does have a key, and I presume if anyone in the family was to enjoy the ‘musical’ workings of One Direction, it would be him.
  • The pineapple in the sink – One morning I wandered into the bathroom to find a whole pineapple in the sink. I didn’t question it. I worked around it. When I got home the pineapple was gone and no one has ever mentioned it. We don’t eat a lot of fruit in our house, unless it’s being used as a cocktail ingredient, so I can only presume there was some confusion on the best way to store your pineapple.
  • A book called ‘The Fatal Strain’ – It’s called ‘The Fatal Strain’. It’s in the bathroom. I laughed way more than I should. It’s actually about the Avian Flu.
  • A dried piece of noodle in a shower scrunchie – My relaxing bath was interrupted when I realised the thing I had been staring at for 5 minutes, trying to figure out what the hell it was but too terrified to get any closer, was in fact a dried piece of noodle stuck to a shower scrunchie. In the bathroom. Amidst the scrunchies lined up at the side of the bath. A dried noodle. Some people take this relaxation thing real serious.

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