Tag Archives: Brothers

Mother’s Love

Mom – “Oh my god! I think I’ve just bit my tongue off!”

Mom commences to show us all her now bleeding tongue.

Chartlotte 2.0 – “Eurgh!”

Matt – “Oh, that’s bad…”

Me – “Well, you’ve bitten your tongue. You haven’t bitten it off.”

Mom – “Owwwwwww.”

Me – “How old are you?”

Mom – “…..”

Me – “Don’t give me that look, you’re the one who still hasn’t learnt the layout of your mouth yet.”

Mom, looking to Matt for sympathy – “But look at it!”

Matt – “Well, you’re never gonna get a man like that, are ya?”

Me – “Not if you go everywhere tongue first.”

Mom – “I fucking hate my kids.”

 

 

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Never Alone

Me, checking Friday night plans – “Is it just me tomorrow until you get back from work? Please tell me it is.”

Mom – “No, Matt and Charlotte will be in but they’re going out.”

Me – “…”

Mom – “So they’ll be here but not here.”

Me – “…”

Mom – “You know what I mean!”

Me – “I do. I just think there are better ways to go about it.”

Invite Your Elders

Note: My brother’s birthday is Thursday. He wants a Sunday dinner for his tea.

His Nan is very old and gets confused easily.

Matt – “I’ve invited Nan for Sunday dinner.”

Mom – “Sunday dinner, Matt?”

Me – “…. Did you tell your Nan Sunday dinner?”

Matt – “Yeah, that’s what it is. … On a Thursday… No I’m sure she understood I said it was for my birthday. … But she did think my birthday was on Wednesday… Oh God, I need to go and phone her back.”