If you have found yourself here and are wondering why everyone keeps talking about dicks, take a travel back to Yu-Gi-Oh! – S1 E1. You will find the rules there (there are none) so with that being said…
It’s time to d-d-d-d-d-duel!
Journey to the Duelist Kingdom
Yugi must travel to the Duelist Kingdom to rescue Solomon, and he is joined by his friends Téa, Tristan and Joey, who wants to save his ill sister.
“You’re either a champ or a chump. Cut this guy loose, he’s clearly fashion-challenged and deserves to be crushed in the games.”
“With these new magic cards, combined with your monsters, you’ll have a real strong dick.”
“Here, add this to your dick. It can be helpful in a tight spot.”
Mai: “OK, time to cut the cards.”
Rex: “Playing with your dick, huh?”
- Exodia, briefly, as he sails over the ship’s railings (2/3)
We find out in this episode that Joey has a younger sister, Serenity, who sends him a videotape of her conveniently explaining how they haven’t seen each other for 6 years and she was dragged off somewhere to live with their Mom. Serenity felt compelled to send this video tape over to her brother because her death is apparently impending and she just wanted something fun for Joey to remember her by.
Meanwhile Yugi has received an invite to Pegasus’ Duelling Kingdom on some island and Joey just happens to comment that’s where Yugi’s Grandpa is being held. Now… I distinctly remember the lifeless husk of Grandpa’s soulless body toppling over on the floor last episode, so I’m kind of concerned at this point what these teenage children have done with the husk. Do they know he still needs feeding and watering? Even without a soul?
Tristan is the only one having a hard time believing any of this… until he sees part of the invite specifying the winner could walk away with £3 mil. Despite not having his own invite to this competition Joey can’t help thinking about his sister’s medical bills and just keeps repeating the phrase ‘three million’ over and over again.
During a flashback we get to see how Yugi and Joey even met, which started when Grandpa dared Yugi to solve this random, Egyptian puzzle because ‘yolo, let’s sacrifice the grandkids’. Yugi made a wish for some real friends because, quite frankly, he was probably fed up of Grandpa trying to sacrifice him to the god’s and up turned Joey and Tristan. Although… their version of friendship appears to be somewhat warped and Joe insists they were only bullying Yugi in order to toughen him up for when the real bullies showed up. Apparently they did too good of a job because Yugi almost gets his face smashed in defending them from a bully who is about 10 foot tall and should definitely be serving time in prison rather than finishing high school. Yugi tries to balance all the shit Joey and Tristan dealt to him by reminding Joey if he hadn’t found the last, missing piece of the millennium puzzle Yugi would never have been able to solve it! Despite the fact Joey is the one who threw this puzzle piece out of a 3rd floor window in the first place… Just thought I’d give you the opportunity to contemplate this friendship thing too, it took up like half of the episode.
At some bizarre night hour all of the contestants, who from the panning shot all look overweight and lacking in vitamin D, are welcomed on board a giant ship and warned they better not be shit or they’ll be going home. Yugi is surprised to see Joey trying to sneak onto the ship for some reason – I mean… the boy literally told Yugi they would be doing this together during their bonding time on the roof – and gives up one of his own starting star chips in order to get his friend on board. Meanwhile Tristan and Tea are sneaking on as cargo. These kids must not have parents; at least Yugi’s Grandpa has no soul and doesn’t give a shit, what’s everyone else’s excuse?
Joey loudly announces on board the ship that now they only have one star chip each they are pretty much sitting ducks for the rest of the competitors. After over hearing their conversation a woman turns up and both Yugi and Joey lose their tiny minds like they have never seen a pair of boobs before. Rightly, in my opinion, she calls Joey out on his bullshit and introduces herself as Mai before walking off. Weirder still is the fact Tea and Tristan are sneaking around on board and following Yugi and Joey like some weird stalkers.
Never mind his friends are technically cargo right now, Joey is complaining about the shoddy accommodation and the fact everyone is sleeping on the floors. Except the finalists from the regional championships who get private rooms… ya know, like Weevil, who has just shown up with Rex so Yugi can be starstruck and Joey can brag about how great he is despite the fact I have never seen him play or win a single duel.
It’s at this point I realise how incredibly annoying and screechy Weevil’s voice is as I, unfortunately, have to listen to him join the long line of people who are impressed by how Yugi beat Kaiba. Poor Kaiba. The last we saw of him his brain was still melting out of his ears.
Paying no attention to Weevil’s sinister undertones and weird tip of his glasses, Yugi continues to be super friendly and polite and worries he may be taking part in cheating when Weevil tries to give him the vaguest tip about duels on the island. Pro tip: you might need more strategy.
Wow, buddy. Thanks. Maybe go and tell that to Joey.
Weevil continues to cast a very discerning eye over the other competitors and is amused to see the commoners still trading cards at this late in the game. Fuck their happy faces and relaxed boat journey, he’s gonna retire to his rooms and probably screech at his own reflection in the mirror some more.
Meanwhile Mai is complaining about the lack of showers in the commoner quarters but never fear! Rex walks by just in time to offer her the shower in his luxury room. I’m sure that has no connotations attached to it whatsoever… And up on deck it’s a good job we still have Tea and Tristan sneaking around and spying on people, otherwise how would we have ever known that ‘Bakura from school’ is on the ship too, unbeknownst to anyone who isn’t a stalker.
Joey has been trading hard but still needs some extra help from Yugi who happily hands over Time Wizard. Better believe we’ll be seeing that guy again soon…
Still completely naive to life Yugi hands his rare cards over to Weevil to examine, when the little bug-eyed psycho turns up on deck and starts harping on about how great his win against Kaiba was. I mean… I don’t remember Yugi and Kaiba’s duel being televised or anything but everyone sure as shit seems to know exactly what went down there.
Yugi happily hands over the entire Exodia set to which Weevil confesses he has been trying to come up with some way to combat the most powerful cards in existence since hearing about them. Inspiration strikes, however, and Weevil’s strategy is to just throw the damn things overboard. Joey shortly follows them on some misguided idea that if he drowns in the sea trying to save cards then he will be able to save Serenity too. He only manages to retrieve two cards before Yugi is forced to jump in after him to save his ass. I don’t know, I’d say not drowning would be a better approach to helping your sister…
Luckily Tristan and Tea were stalking out on deck and were at hand to haul them both back onto the ship. The guards sure are conveniently missing at this point. Joey coughs up half the sea and the truth about his sister on deck.
She’s not dying. She’s just going blind. She wasn’t even wearing glasses in that videotape she sent over, she might find that improves things a little… Anyway, there is an operation to save her eyesight but I presume it’s probably around £3 mil or so. Seeing as Yugi only cares about his Grandpa’s soul and Joey only cares about cold hard cash I can only guess that money is coming to Joey either way.
Yugi sure is a good friend to have around, these days…
No duels in this episode and only some terrible back story about Serenity’s need for a pair of glasses. I’m sure Weevil could show her a few more tips.
Hopefully see you and Grandad’s soul next episode, folks!